We were going to see Winslow Homer’s watercolors this week at the Museum of Fine Arts but remaining entry ticket times were too late for me in the afternoon.
Oh my. The raw missing of one's own voice! Hearing you say this, was the first time I tried to imagine the magnitude of that loss. When I hear my voice on tape, I hate it. Nevertheless, if I didn't hear it, and hear it often, I would miss it beyond words. (Yes, that's a pun, but true.) So so so many losses, you've endured! Of course you want to weep and howl and shout. No justice. No relief. And yet you squeeze out some meaning, some strength, some love out of what you have lost. I admire you, beyond words. Love, Leslie
Pamela, in this post you reinforce a potent struggle: to push ahead with courage and fight; to allow yourself to feel vulnerable and ask for help. I see the push-pull here. As always, you look outside yourself—to the impact Burnt Umber might have and to the generosity of friends and fellow travelers. I look forward to hearing about the success of the 3-D printer and the Amazon purchase. The lecture sounds like a winner. And I just might steal the phrase “ Weeping Trout” for its evocative qualities. Sending love to you and Kathleen, Robin
Apropos to nothing in your message this week, my niece, tenant and downstairs neighbor announced that she had ordered 9 varieties of dahlia tubers (is that the right term?). She said we should grow them in containers in the yard so we don't have to dig them up at the end of the year. I don't know if that is correct but it made me immediately think of you and the good people who helped you dig and preserve your dahlias for next year. ...9 varieties, I said. She said yes, they were sold out of the others. We shall see how it goes.
Pam, thank you I appreciate so much you’re! sharing your vulnerabilities and how awful ALS can be. I am friend of Holly‘s and I know some of what you write about. You too write about other than ALS as Holly did. I appreciate you ! Thank you XO Margo.
…draw inward, soften your knees, stretch your forehead, stretch your fingers, plant your feet,
Pay attention
Open your chest
Think of your scapula sliding down your back
Dear Pam these are just a few of my internal cues that keep me somehow facing forward as I navigate living alongside ALS and its funky ways. You keep me hopeful!
My husband and I love Homer’s work. Here’s to all of it.
Pam, your dreadful and constant need to deal with the alternating mucus/dry mouth must be absolutely devastating. My bout with pneumonia has given me similar symptoms, though certainly not as all-encompassing as yours. It’s debilitating and frustrating. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this and very glad to hear that you’ll ask for help and not feel badly about doing so. I really hope the Temple University 3-D printed neck brace will solve your ongoing problem of not being able to hold your head up. As I read your weekly missives, I feel your strength in figuratively holding it up. It’s not the same thing but your courage throughout the past year+ is impressive. I’m sorry you couldn’t get to the MFA Homer exhibit. I missed it also because of the ongoing pneumonia symptoms. I did see small photos of the exhibit on the website and had to make them stand in for the brilliant originals, which seems to be the hallmark of the past solo 22 days of my life. I’m happy you’re having visitors. What a difference that must make.
I have a Palliative Care NP coming tat home his week so I will ask for more help from her. And yes, it would have been tough to see the originals from the height of a wheelchair. It was better for me to see them online. Enjoy this snowy wonderland. Sending love, Pam
Yes there are many ways to grow dahlia tubers. I start mine again in pots in the basement, but bring them out and plant them in the yard. Whatever works!
Oh my. The raw missing of one's own voice! Hearing you say this, was the first time I tried to imagine the magnitude of that loss. When I hear my voice on tape, I hate it. Nevertheless, if I didn't hear it, and hear it often, I would miss it beyond words. (Yes, that's a pun, but true.) So so so many losses, you've endured! Of course you want to weep and howl and shout. No justice. No relief. And yet you squeeze out some meaning, some strength, some love out of what you have lost. I admire you, beyond words. Love, Leslie
Pamela, in this post you reinforce a potent struggle: to push ahead with courage and fight; to allow yourself to feel vulnerable and ask for help. I see the push-pull here. As always, you look outside yourself—to the impact Burnt Umber might have and to the generosity of friends and fellow travelers. I look forward to hearing about the success of the 3-D printer and the Amazon purchase. The lecture sounds like a winner. And I just might steal the phrase “ Weeping Trout” for its evocative qualities. Sending love to you and Kathleen, Robin
Apropos to nothing in your message this week, my niece, tenant and downstairs neighbor announced that she had ordered 9 varieties of dahlia tubers (is that the right term?). She said we should grow them in containers in the yard so we don't have to dig them up at the end of the year. I don't know if that is correct but it made me immediately think of you and the good people who helped you dig and preserve your dahlias for next year. ...9 varieties, I said. She said yes, they were sold out of the others. We shall see how it goes.
Pam, thank you I appreciate so much you’re! sharing your vulnerabilities and how awful ALS can be. I am friend of Holly‘s and I know some of what you write about. You too write about other than ALS as Holly did. I appreciate you ! Thank you XO Margo.
Hi Margo,
Thanks so much for writing . Yes the vulnerabilities seem to be progressing now. Wish it wasn't so. Best, Pam
…draw inward, soften your knees, stretch your forehead, stretch your fingers, plant your feet,
Pay attention
Open your chest
Think of your scapula sliding down your back
Dear Pam these are just a few of my internal cues that keep me somehow facing forward as I navigate living alongside ALS and its funky ways. You keep me hopeful!
My husband and I love Homer’s work. Here’s to all of it.
Pam, your dreadful and constant need to deal with the alternating mucus/dry mouth must be absolutely devastating. My bout with pneumonia has given me similar symptoms, though certainly not as all-encompassing as yours. It’s debilitating and frustrating. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this and very glad to hear that you’ll ask for help and not feel badly about doing so. I really hope the Temple University 3-D printed neck brace will solve your ongoing problem of not being able to hold your head up. As I read your weekly missives, I feel your strength in figuratively holding it up. It’s not the same thing but your courage throughout the past year+ is impressive. I’m sorry you couldn’t get to the MFA Homer exhibit. I missed it also because of the ongoing pneumonia symptoms. I did see small photos of the exhibit on the website and had to make them stand in for the brilliant originals, which seems to be the hallmark of the past solo 22 days of my life. I’m happy you’re having visitors. What a difference that must make.
With love to you and yours,
Helen 💞
Helen,
I have a Palliative Care NP coming tat home his week so I will ask for more help from her. And yes, it would have been tough to see the originals from the height of a wheelchair. It was better for me to see them online. Enjoy this snowy wonderland. Sending love, Pam
Pam, good morning. I’m flying back to Boston today and will write to MFA soon. Sending love and admiration for your grit and gentleness. Xo
Yes there are many ways to grow dahlia tubers. I start mine again in pots in the basement, but bring them out and plant them in the yard. Whatever works!
Melody,
I will definitely try drawing inward. I love your internal cues. Thanks for sharing them and they will make me hopeful.
Leslie,
You are right, no justice, no relief. So many losses.
Your feelings about your voice surprise me. I've always loved hearing it..
Thanks for naming so many positives, too. You have helped!
Love, Pamela
Robin, thanks for noting the push-pull tug-of-war I'm experiencing. Yes, I'd love to hear your take on Weeping Trout.
Hoping that one of these neck gadgets will work. Sending love, Pamela
Pat,
I'm glad you're coming home. We have quite a beautiful snowfall. Appreciate your willingness to write on behalf of Burnt Umber!